Alright, so I've sort of came back to deviantART in a way I guess.
Honestly, he's all I've been thinking about lately. I was talking to Frenchy and Calif, and all of a sudden, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I've seen one picture of him, ONE, and he's totes cute.. can't stop my attraction.. I've been infatuated with him since I talked to him.. just.. the way he talks.. god, call Chris Hansen, anything that will make me see him in a different way, a bad way! I've told him I hate, told him I don't want to see him anymore.. and.. he believed me. It was the most painful thing I've ever done.. then.. school started.. I thought I had moved on.. met Gabe, met Trenton, I forgot all about him.. Gabe had his crooked grin with his beautiful eyes.. Trenton with his humor and ability to make me feel better... and then there was Payton.. with his way to make me happy.. happy enough to feel like everything was healed. And while Calif and Frenchy are arguing about God, here I am, in my misery, writing about a relationship that could have happened. I could have made it work.. but.. I think I would have ended up hurting him either way.. it doesn't even matter anymore.. I told him today that I'm totally over him, but it was a lie.. A sick, twisted lie.. like we need anymore of those.. I don't know, Journal, dA... I just need a friend, someone who cares, understands.. someone who won't mock me when I tell them all my secrets.. just.. someone.. help me. x]

I LOVE HIM AND I NEED HIM AND I'LL KILL FOR HIM.
</3